How To Have An ‘R U OK?’ Conversation And What To Do Next

In Australia, one in five people experience mental health problems every year. This reminds us how important it is to check in on our colleagues, friends and family. R U OK? Day is another reminder of how we can support the mental well-being of others. R U OK? conversations are designed to connect with the people around you and start a conversation with someone who may be struggling.

We all play an important role in fostering a supportive workplace environment. In this article we’ll share some practical tips on how to have an effective R U OK? conversation which could help you make a positive impact on someone’s mental health.

Understanding the R U OK? conversation

R U OK? conversations are more than just a casual check-in; they’re a meaningful way to gauge someone’s mental health and offer support. These conversations can be life-changing and provide a lifeline to those who may be silently struggling. By showing genuine care and concern, you can help break down the stigma surrounding mental health and potentially save a life.

How to have the conversation

1.     Preparing for the conversation

Before initiating an R U OK? conversation, it’s important to create a safe environment. Choose a private, comfortable setting where the person feels safe to open up. This could be a quiet corner of the office, a nearby park, or even during a coffee break.

Often people won’t tell you they’re not okay, so it’s important to look out for the signs. Some of these could be:

• Withdrawal from social activities or team meetings
• Changes in behaviour, such as increased irritability or decreased productivity
• Mood swings or persistent low mood

It’s important to be an empathetic listener. Remember, you don’t have to provide any solutions in this conversation. Just being there and listening can make a huge difference for the other person.

2.     Starting the conversation

When you’re ready to start the conversation, approach the person with genuine care and concern. Ask the question, “R U OK?” in a way that feels natural to you. You could follow up with open-ended questions that encourage sharing, such as:

• “How have you been feeling lately?”
• “Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to talk about?”
• “I’ve noticed you seem a bit quiet lately. How are things going?”

Throughout the conversation, it’s important to come across as non-judgmental and caring in the way you speak. Your sincere concern can make a world of difference.

3.     Listening and responding

Active listening is also key to an effective R U OK? conversation. This involves:

• Making eye contact to show you’re engaged.
• Avoiding interruptions and allowing the person to express themselves fully.
• Reflecting back what the person says to ensure understanding.

You should aim to validate their feelings without judgement. Try not to offer unsolicited advice; instead, focus on understanding their perspective. You could say something like, “That sounds really challenging. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

If it’s appropriate, offer support by helping them identify practical steps they can take. This could be encouraging them to speak with their manager about workload concerns or suggesting they seek professional help if needed.

4.     If they say they’re not OK

If someone tells you that they’re not okay, it’s important to respond calmly and supportively. Here’s how:

• Stay calm and reassure them that you’re there to support them.
• Offer to help them find professional support if they’re open to it.
• Ensure you follow up with them in the coming days and weeks.
• If they’re in immediate distress, don’t leave them alone and seek immediate help.

Australia has several excellent resources for mental health support, including:

• Lifeline (13 11 14)
• Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636)
• Employee Assistance Program (EAP) services offered by many workplaces.

Follow up

Following up after the initial conversation is another important part of this. It shows the person that your concern is genuine and ongoing. You could send a message or have a quick chat to see how they’re doing. If they weren’t ready to talk initially, respect their wishes but keep the door open for future conversations.

You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about our chat the other day. How are you feeling now?” or “I just wanted to check in and see if there’s anything I can do to support you.”

R U OK? conversations are a powerful and meaningful way to support mental health. You have a unique opportunity to foster a workplace culture where these conversations are encouraged and normalised.

Remember, asking “R U OK?” is just the beginning. By following these steps—preparing thoughtfully, starting the conversation with care, listening actively, responding supportively, and following up consistently—we can create a more supportive and mentally healthy workplace.

Every conversation has the potential to change a life. So, why not start one today?

For further information on R U OK? Day and having R U OK? converations please visit the R U OK? website today